This is a series of post from
Rosie -Pastor Torin Moore
Very Informative to Single Men and Women of God Who are in wait for their mate. Hope you guys are just as blessed if not more than I am.
1. As in all other areas of our life, God will guide us to the right mate as we trust Him and submit to His will (Prov. 3:5). A believer should seek to marry another believer, not merely one who professes to be a Christian, but whose life also demonstrates long-term stable, Christian behavior.
2. Do not be led by your emotions. Infatuation is often mistaken for love. Real love is not something you “fall” into. It’s something you commit yourself to, and sacrifice yourself for.
3. Never marry anyone on the mere basis of their appearance, sexual appeal, or material things. Only shallow, foolish people do that. Choose a marriage companion on the basis of what’s inside their heart, not what’s on the outside. Do not be led by your emotions. Infatuation is often mistaken for love. Real love is not something you “fall” into. It’s something you commit yourself to, and sacrifice yourself for.
What the secrets to a lasting marriage? Making a marriage last until death is something both partners have to make a priority. Solidifying one's vertical relationship with God goes a long way toward ensuring that the horizontal relationship between a husband and wife is a lasting, and therefore God-honoring, one.
A principle that would protect the longevity of a marriage is that the husband should obey God and love, honor, and protect his wife as he would his own body (Ephesians 5:25-31).
The unhappiness that is present in too many marriages is a result of one or both parties refusing to submit to God and obey His revealed will for marriage.
God had a purpose for placing wives under the authority of their husbands. Because of sin, that rule has been both abused and chaffed under, and the result has brought chaos to the home and family. However, God does not let the husband off the hook Ephesians 5:8.
Your act faith. We should live above reproach morally so that we can reflect God's goodness to others. Jesus stressed this in the Sermon on the Mount Matt. 5:15-16
There is nothing in the Bible to indicate that separation (not divorce) in this instance would be wrong.
Divorce is a sin if it is not a biblical divorce. God hates divorce, but He forgives this sin as He does any other sin.
(Matt. 5:31-32) Jesus talks to us about another tragedy that may occur between a husband and wife - divorce. Most divorces occur for reasons other than adultery. The leading reasons that are given for divorce are physical violence, incompatibility, alcohol and drug abuse, different beliefs, religious conflicts, financial problems, and poor communication. When Jesus talked about divorce during the Sermon on the Mount, He did not talk about any of these reasons.
We must not forget God is with us when He’s getting us out of a marriage. This may seem confusing, but remember: if God is FOR the marriage, He will lead you INTO it; if God is FOR the divorce, He will lead you OUT of the marriage. If God is against a marriage or a divorce, He will lead you away from it. In all situations, He will lead you to Himself so you can find His heart on the matter if you seek Him.
Being led by the Spirit of God through a divorce is crucial. There are many steps the Lord will take a spouse through as He leads them through a divorce. Maybe it’s praying to know the right timing of the divorce itself. Maybe it’s deciding which spouse will actually do the divorcing or who will physically stay in the house and who will leave.
We need to pray with right motives. We need to have forgiveness in our heart toward our spouse. We need daily direction from God for all those major decisions both before and after the final separation. Most importantly, we need to receive the deep work that God wants to do in our own heart so we don’t repeat old sins and mistakes but become changed more and more into His likeness.
God wants to direct ALL of our life. For “in ALL your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct [ALL] your paths” (Proverbs 3:6).
Being led by the Spirit of God through a divorce will leave us free and at peace. When we go through a divorce being led by what is called “the flesh,” we will not be at peace or rest.
On the contrary, we may be legally divorced but we will still be bound by unforgiveness, resentment, anger and blame. As the Spirit of God leads us out of the marriage, He will lead us to “...bless those who curse you, [and to] do good to those who hate you, and [to] pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). As we willfully do these actions our heart will be transformed, enabling us to walk in love for those who hate the very ground we walk on.
Being led out of the marriage by the flesh (which is bitterness, resentment, anger, unforgiveness, and other wrong attitudes and motives) will cause our heart to change also. The change will not be for the better, but for the worse. The difference between those who have gone through traumatic emotional situations whose hearts are now healed and those whose hearts aren’t, is that the one who is healed worked through their pain with God. The one who is not healed did not work through their pain even though they may know God personally.
That is the reason some people will not take peace and a changed heart to their new marriage. The prime reason we don’t work through the pain of those damaged areas of our heart is because the road to healing and wholeness seems to hurt more than the traumatic incident(s) we experienced.
If we will not allow the time, exercise courage with focused determination to press on to wholeness despite the pain we feel, the next marriage will end in divorce or fall far short of the happiness and joy that a marriage can bring. We must allow God to do His full work in our heart no matter how long it takes or how much it hurts. Then we will find ourselves gradually rejoicing in the ongoing change that God is secretly doing inside.
When singles “fall in love” with someone and then discover he/she is not spiritually qualified to be your mate is to invite heartache and put your selves in a very difficult position.
singles are committing their selves to God’s will, they need to be clear on the characteristics of a godly husband or wife and be seeking someone who qualifies on a spiritual level. It is important to have a clear understanding of these qualities first and then to seek someone who fits them. Seek in this statement is to request!!! Prov. 18:22
4. The Bible teaches us to count the cost of all our decisions before we make them. “For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it?” (Luke 14:28). Since marriage is supposed to last a lifetime (1 Cor. 7:39), we should carefully weigh the cost. BELOW
Marriage is a sacred covenant between you, your spouse and with God. It will be a lifetime of give-and-take, sharing, and compromising. Are you willing to make these sacrifices for your mate? Remember, marriage is intended to endure, whether better or worse, “til death do you part.”
5. A good marriage requires that Christ be the center. If He is not the center of your relationship with your companion prior to marriage, He’ll not likely be the center of your marriage later.
UNEQUALLY YOKED: [Marriage and Unbelievers]Many have read the passage in the Bible where Paul admonishes: "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers," and have then assumed from it, all kinds of restrictions on Christian marriages. What constitutes an unequally yoked together marriage, or for that matter, an equally yoked together marriage? BELOW
Many will be shocked to learn that this verse is not referring to "marriage" at all.The phrase "unequally yoked together" is not a phrase that signifies a "marriage." Nonetheless, in principle it certainly applies to marriage.
First, let's read the entire Scripture:"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? Or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols?
For ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, says the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive, and will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty" (II Cor. 6:14-18).
The phrase "unequally yoked together" is the translation of just one Greek word, heterozugeo, which is a compound word that means, "to yoke up differently; to associate discordantly; unequally yoke together." It is used but this one time in the Bible.
The word "yoke" means a coupling as when two oxen are coupled or yoked together by a pulling beam to do work such as plowing a field or pulling a wagon.And so Paul is telling the Corinthians congregation which was steeped in paganism and their cities peppered with pagan temples, that they should not be "unequally" yoked with those that practiced paganism or any works of darkness. They were to avoid: "unbelievers, unrighteousness, darkness, Belial, infidels, and idols." There it is.
That's the list Paul gave them, exactly as we read above. Nothing is mentioned about marriage, but it does apply to marriage.So what did Paul mean by all these? Well, first of all it is not possible to live in a country, state, county, city, or village without constantly coming in contact with just such persons.
Even Jesus Himself prayed and specified to His Father exactly how He desired for us to live under such circumstances in this life:Joh 17:15 I pray not that You should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil.In a sense Jesus was requesting that His disciples would "not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers."So how do we apply these verses to marriage?
Was Paul suggesting that members of the Corinthian Church congregation could not and should not marry other members of the congregation? NO. He was very specific: "Be ye not unequally yoked together with UNBELIEVERS." Were they all spiritually converted? NO. Could a spiritually-minded Corinthian marry a carnal-minded Corinthian? Good question.
Are not all "believers" spiritual-minded and all "unbelievers" carnally-minded? Let's back up to Paul's first epistle to these same Corinthians:1Co 3:1 And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, even as unto babes in Christ.1Co 3:2 I have fed you with milk, and not with meat: for hitherto ye were not able to bear it, neither yet now are ye able.1Co 3:3 For ye are yet carnal...
"Remember that the word "ye" does not mean the singular "you," but "ALL of you." Not that there wasn't maybe a single mature, spiritual-minded one among them, but as a group, they were carnal. So if they wanted to marry within their faith, most of them would have had to marry someone carnally-minded.
Now we need to understand what's important in this teaching. Paul did not say they could not marry someone if they were "carnal." He did not even say that they could not marry someone if they were an "unbeliever."
He warned against being "UNEQUALLY yoked with unbelievers." It is the "UNEQUALLY" yoked aspect that is most important.Next let's notice that "BE ye not..." is not the best translation, for if that were the case, then Paul would be saying in effect that anyone who was already unequally yoked in marriage with an unbeliever, SHOULD DIVORCE THEM. But we know that Paul never suggested such a thing, but just the opposite:
1Co 7:12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.1Co
7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.So much for the King James, "BE ye not unequally yoked..."
The proper translation is "Become ye not unequally yoked..." or "Don't you be getting unequally yoked..."What did Paul mean by "unbelievers?" We just read that the "ye" of the Corinthians were "yet CARNAL." But, were they "unbelievers?"1Co 3:5 Who then is Paul, and who is Apollos, but ministers by whom ye believed, even as the Lord gave to every man?
1Co 15:2 By which also ye are saved, if ye keep in memory what I preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain.1Co 15:11 Therefore whether it were I or they, so we preach, and so ye believed.From what we have read, we can clearly see that the Corinthian Church was a congregation of "carnal BELIEVERS." Of course, you can be a believer and yet be carnal.
Listen, the entire two billion member Christian congregation around the world ARE BELIEVERS. That is they believe that Jesus is the promised Messiah and Christ, and that there is salvation in Him. That is what makes them believers. From there they fall into all kinds of categories and doctrinal differences, but nonetheless, they are believers regardless of how many of them are "yet carnal.
"I believe that the key phrase in all this is to not become "unequally" yoked. Now Paul said with unbelievers, which makes it obviously the wrong thing to do. First you would be "yoked unequally" and to make it worse, to an "unbeliever." BELOW
Now Paul tells us that this admonition came from him personally under God's inspiration certainly, nonetheless he adds: But to the rest speak I, not the Lord" (I Cor. 7:12).And so I will take a little liberty myself and suggest that when it comes to marriage (remember Paul is not specifically speaking of marriage here), and say that we should neither become unequally yoked together with BELIEVERS.
In other words, we should not become unequally yoked with another, but especially Unbelievers.The word translated "unbelievers" is apistos and it means "without [Christian] faith, a heathen, incredible, faithless, infidel, unbeliever." It is the same word translated "infidel" in verse 15, although infidel usually signifies something a little stronger than just lacking faith.
We do not need to totally avoid unbelievers, but we are not to become unequally "yoked" to them either. Paul permitted a certain amount of socializing with unbelievers:1Co 10:27 If any of them that believe not bid you to a feast, and ye be disposed to go; whatsoever is set before you, eat, asking no question for conscience sake.
Probably most of us have some relative in our family that is not a believer, but with whom we could have certain social intercourse with.For sure Paul is not forbidding interaction with "The many called and the few chosen." However, even there, we should not become unequally YOKED with them, or how can we say we came out of her as God's people (Rev. 18:4).
I have personally seen marriages between a believer and a non-believer that were more loving and equally yoked than some marriages between two believers. So we need to pay close attention to ALL the words of these profound Scriptures.We can advise and try to help people see different aspects of a situation. We can relay our own personal knowledge of such things.
But we should not get involved in being overly righteous in these matters lest we be guilty of "forbidding to marry" (I Tim. 4:3), which is a doctrine of demons (Verse 1).The key is becoming "unequally yoked." And that can mean marriage, but it can also mean which church one attends; of which clubs one is a member; which establishments one goes to for entertainment; which TV shows become a regular habit; with whom one becomes business partners; Etc.
Never become unequally yoked with anyone, and always avoid: "unrighteousness, darkness, Belial [an epithet of Satan], infidels, and idols."We've all seen matches made in heaven that didn't work out, and conversely, we've seen marriages doomed to failure from day one, that are still going strong (or maybe not so strong, but still going, nonetheless) after 30 and 40 years.
Only God knows for sure how marriages will turn out. Birds of a feather flock together, but then again opposites attract. Marriage is an area best left up to the bride and the groom.
PRE-MARITAL COUNSELING: “Preparing for Your Marriage.” If the couple has already set a wedding date, this meeting should take place approximately five months before the wedding day. It is preferable that the couple NOT prepare ahead of time for this first meeting..
6. Short-term engagements are not a good idea. Get to know a person over a period of time. A year of friendship should be a minimum before anyone even considers marriage.
As you probably know, I believe Scripture to teach that engaging in the types of emotional intimacy and companionship involved in close male-female friendships — outside of marriage and for their own sake — is wrong (see everything else I've ever written for Boundless). But even if you don't accept that premise, such intimacy is still inadvisable in the sense that it delays and discourages marriage, which Scripture unambiguously calls good and right.
I would especially encourage women who desire marriage to give this argument some thought. If you are one of the many women to write me or Boundless Answers or another Boundless author to complain with great frustration that "Christian men don't initiate," consider this: Are you and your sisters satisfying the intermediate needs of your guy friends such that they feel no particular compulsion to pursue marriage? Friendship Within A Context of Community
So am I saying that I'm against the idea of relationships growing out of Christian friendship? Am I saying that friendship among single brothers and sisters has no place? Am I saying that single men and women need to shun one another, speaking only to utter the words "will you date me," followed by "yes" or "no"? Absolutely not. In fact, I would argue that dating or courting relationships ideally grow out of friendship among co-laborers in the gospel. The question is what those friendships look like practically.
I Timothy 5 describes a relationship among Christian men and women not married to one another as that of brothers and sisters. The Lord has mercifully called us not to live the Christian life alone but as part of a community of believers. Single men and women can and should serve in ministry together, study the word together, and hang out together socially. They should go out together, gather around meals, watch movies. In my view, however, these activities should be done, for the most part, in groups rather than one-on-one. Men can initiate group get-togethers, and so can women. In fact, single brothers and sisters in Christ, like the rest of Christ's body, are positively called to care for one another. Men can (and should) give women rides home rather than have them walk alone at night. Men can come over and move couches. Women can cook a meal for a group of guys in danger of developing scurvy from a near total lack of vegetables. Knock yourselves out.
Friendships grow out of the body of Christ functioning and, in turn, result in interests beyond friendship. To be sure, the friendships that develop in this context are not the same friendships with the same level of intimacy that would develop from spending consistent time alone with someone, but they provide a context from which initiations and relationships can bloom. Remember, the world has falsely told us that a high level of intimacy with another person needs to precede any sort of commitment to another person.
Is there a precise formula for whether a friendship or series of interactions is too intimate? If there is, I don't know it. Hang out in groups; serve together. By all means, chat and be friendly with your brothers and sisters in Christ. Should a friend make the assumption that you're ready to marry him or her if you initiate a one-on-one conversation at church or at a group dinner? No. Have you blown two tires and gone screaming off into the trees if you ask someone to lunch or coffee once or twice? Maybe not. Depends on what happens from there.
Just be aware that "friendship" is no more a forum to play married than a dating relationship is. If you find that you are consistently showing one of your opposite-sex Christian friends more one-on-one attention than all the others, whether in conversation or through invitations out, it's probably time for (1) some clarification of intentions and (most likely) a change in the status of the relationship to something more overtly committed, or (2) a change in the way you interact with that person.
Biblical Dating: An Introduction
by Scott Croft
The Bible guides us in some areas by broader, more general principles and ideas we can build on as we strive to live the Christian life in practical ways. In either case, no area of life falls totally outside of the guidance and authority of God's Word.
My point is that we cannot simply state that the Bible "doesn't mention dating or courtship," and then think we're off the hook to pursue this area of our lives either on the world's terms or however seems best to us without diligent, submissive reference to God's Word. If the doctrine of the sufficiency of Scripture is true, then God's Word does have authoritative guidance for us about how we might best glorify God in this area of our lives.
That means our conversation has to be a biblical conversation. I mention the sufficiency of Scripture as part of the groundwork for this column because it's one of those doctrines that touches every area of our lives, and it is at the heart of the approach to dating (and life) that we'll talk about here. No matter how practical or specific your questions or my answers get in the coming months, I will strive to have biblical support at some level for everything I say.
Biblical Dating
OK. Let's take care of some basic definitions. We may define biblical dating as a method of introduction and carrying out of a pre-marital relationship between a single man and a single woman:
That begins (maybe) with the man approaching and going through the woman's father or family; that is conducted under the authority of the woman's father or family or church; and that always has marriage (or at least a determination regarding marriage to a specific person) as its direct goal.
The Scriptural support for the idea of biblical dating is largely by example and implication. We will look at a number of passages over the course of our discussions that support various aspects of biblical dating, but for the moment, let me just give you some references to study:
I Corinthians 6:9-7:19 (command to be pure, seriousness of sexual sin and instructions regarding marriage)
I Thessalonians 4:1-8 (do not wrong or defraud one another in relationships — by implying a relationship or commitment by your words or conduct that does not actually exist)
Song of Solomon 2:7 ("do not awaken love before it pleases" — i.e. before the proper time, meaning marriage) Proverbs 6:20-7:27 (warning to avoid sexual sin and foolish relationships)
James 1:13-15 (temptation is to be taken very seriously)
Romans 13:8-14 (love others, work for their soul's good; don't look to please self)
Romans 14:1-15:7 (favor others, not self ... value what's good to their souls)
I Timothy 5:1-2 (treat single women as sisters in Christ, with absolute purity)
Titus 2:1-8 (young men and women should focus on self-control/godliness)
John 14:15 (if you love Christ, you will obey His commands — read: above your own desires — and live biblically) Again, we'll talk more about these and other passages as we deal with specific questions.
Modern Dating
We may basically define modern dating as a method of introduction and carrying out of a pre-marital relationship between a single man and a single woman:
that begins with either the man or the woman initiating with the other; that is conducted outside the formal oversight or authority of either person's family or church; and that may or may not have marriage as its goal and is often purely "recreational" or "educational."
Now, the biblical support for the modern approach to dating ... (insert crickets, tumbleweeds, person whistling here).... That was it. There isn't any. The very idea of extended romantic or sexual involvement outside of marriage doesn't even appear in Scripture unless it is described as illicit (sinful).
Furthermore, it doesn't even appear in any society, western or otherwise, in any systematic way until the 20th century! While the principles supporting biblical dating have their beginnings with the very structure of the family, modern dating has its origins with the sexual revolution of the 1960s. It is brand new, and yet, seemingly, it is all we know.
Differences Between Modern Dating and Biblical Dating
So what's the real difference? Here are some fundamentals:
Modern dating philosophy assumes that there will be several intimate romantic relationships in a person's life before marriage. In fact, it advocates "playing the field" in order to determine "what one wants" in a mate. Biblical dating has as its goal to be emotionally and physically intimate with only one member of the opposite sex ... your spouse.
Modern dating tends to be egalitarian (no differences between men and women in spiritual or emotional "wiring" or God-given roles). Biblical dating tends to be complimentarian (God has created men and women differently and has ordained each of these spiritual equals to play different and valuable roles in the church and in the family).
Modern dating tends to assume that you will spend a great deal of time together (most of it alone). Biblical dating tends to encourage time spent in group activities or with other people the couple knows well.
Modern dating tends to assume that you need to get to know a person more deeply than anyone else in the world to figure out whether you should be with him or her. The biblical approach suggests that real commitment to the other person should precede such a high level of intimacy.
Modern dating tends to assume that a good relationship will "meet all my needs and desires," and a bad one won't — it's essentially a self-centered approach. Biblical dating approaches relationships from a completely different perspective — one of ministry and service and bringing glory to God.
Modern dating tends to assume that there will be a high level of emotional involvement in a dating relationship, and some level of physical involvement as well. Biblical dating assumes NO physical intimacy, and more limited emotional intimacy outside of marriage.
Modern Dating assumes that what I do and who I date as an adult is entirely up to me and is private (my family or the church has no formal or practical authority). Biblical dating assumes a context of spiritual accountability, as is true in every other area of the Christian life.
Basically, we can make three general statements about modern dating vs. biblical dating in terms of their respective philosophies:
Modern dating seems to be about "finding" the right person for me (as my friend Michael Lawrence has written on this site); biblical dating is more about "being" the right person to serve my future spouse's needs and be a God-glorifying husband or wife.
In modern dating, intimacy precedes commitment. In biblical dating, commitment precedes intimacy.
The modern dating approach tells us that the way to figure out whether I want to marry someone is to act like we are married. If we like it, we make it official. If we don't, then we go through something emotionally — and probably physically — like a divorce. In biblical dating, Scripture guides us as to how to find a mate and marry, and the Bible teaches, among other things, that we should act in such a way so as not to imply a marriage-level commitment until that commitment exists before the Lord. BELOW
I'm supremely confident that as we go back and forth in the coming months, some — perhaps many — of you will disagree (if you don't already) or be initially annoyed at some of my statements. Ask yourself why. What are you trying to hold onto that you think this approach will take from you (privacy, autonomy, a secular idea of freedom or of your own rights)?
I have a particular challenge for those of you whose main objection is that the practical details we'll talk about here "are not explicitly biblical": think about the details of how you conduct (or would like to conduct) your dating life. Can you find explicit support for the modern approach in Scripture? Are there even broad principles in Scripture that justify the modern vision of dating (or yours, whatever it may be)?
The Bible simply doesn't give us explicit instructions on some of what we'll discuss. Fair enough. In such a situation, we should ask what gets us closest to clear biblical teaching. In other words, within the many gray areas here, what conduct in our dating lives will help us to best care for our brothers and sisters in Christ and bring honor to His name?
That's it. That's a basic framework for biblical dating as best I can discern it from the principles of God's Word. Now, you're on. No question is too broad or too specific, too theoretical, too theological, or too practical. Agree with what I've said, or challenge it. This is how iron sharpens iron.
If "dating" is defined as two single friends of the opposite sex doing things together for fun without any attraction or romantic desire or intimacy involved at all, there is no issue to discuss regarding dating. They are spending time as friends.
The Bible describes and gives directions concerning friendship. But for most, the issue of dating involves "romantic attraction and desire." Therefore "dating" must be approached by what the Scripture says regarding romantic desire and marriage, the only relationship in which romantic desire is to be fully expressed. Also, in our culture, through "dating" people will often find a life partner and marry. How men and women view a "date" and "dating" can have a profound effect on their future.
"Dating" is not a relationship, it is a method people employ in our culture to get to know others of the opposite sex that was not employed in Biblical times. The Bible does not talk about "dating," but it does talk about relationships. However, the Bible does describe three kinds of relationships with the opposite sex and gives certain characteristics of each relationship (there are others such as parent/child and sibling, but they don't clarify the issues of dating).
One kind of relationship the Bible describes is friendship.
Proverbs gives several characteristics of friends and friendships. Prov.17: 17 says, “A friend loves at all times.” Prov.18: 24 says, “There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.” Prov.27: 6 says, “When a friend rebukes you, that rebuke can be trusted.” Prov.27: 9 says, “The pleasantness of having a friend springs from his earnest counsel.” Prov.27: 10 says, “Do not forsake your friend.”
These verses bring out the fact that the Lord blesses friendship and encourages us to develop them. Friendship involves three foundational elements, commitment to fulfill the responsibility of a friend, care and concern for the welfare of your friend, and affection. The word "friend" means someone you like who also likes you. This liking involves a "friendship kind of" affection based often on personality and common likes and interests.
A second kind of relationship is “brother-sister in Christ.”
If we have accepted Christ as our Savior we have become children of God. God is our Father and other Christians are our brothers and sisters in Christ. We should treat other Christians as such. Our Father deeply loves and desires that we show love to each other, that is seek each other's highest spiritual good.
1 Jn.3: 1 says, "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" Gal.5: 13 says, “Rather serve one another in love.” Heb.10: 24 says, “Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” God desires that we serve one another in love by giving of ourselves to help each other grow in Christ as fellow-believers.
This love is based on our relationship with Christ and is not dependent on feelings we may or may not have for a fellow-believer. Brother-sister relationships in Christ involve two foundational elements, commitment to fulfill the responsibility of a fellow-believer in Christ and care and concern a believer is to have toward other believers. It can involve affection as we work together in Christ, but affection is not a necessary element. We are commanded in the Scriptures to show love to all believers, but we are not commanded to make all believers our friends.
A third relationship God describes in the Bible is marriage.
Marriage is a relationship between a man and a woman that binds them together for life. Gen.2:24 says, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."
This verse tells us that marriage involves the husband and wife severing ties of intimate relationships with parents to cleave to each other. It involves coming together into a permanent bond of unity. It means becoming physically intimate with each other as one flesh. Marriage involves three elements, commitment, care and concern, and emotion.
When a Christian marries he or she is making a commitment to fulfill the responsibility God ordains for the husband or wife to fulfill. He or she is making a commitment to have care and concern for the spiritual, emotional, physical, and mental welfare of his or her marriage partner. It also involves the joy of romantic desire/attraction and intimacy and sexual desire/attraction and intimacy.
The Song of Songs, the dialogue between King Solomon and his bride, is a celebration of the romantic and physical love between a husband and wife. It shows that God desires that they enjoy the blessings of the union He created. Song of Songs 1:2 says “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for your love is more delightful than wine.” Husbands and wives are to rejoice in each other’s love both romantically and sexually.
Each of these three relationships have two common characteristics, a commitment to the responsibilities of that particular kind of relationship and a genuine care and concern for the other person in a particular kind of relationship. Friendship and marriage have a third characteristic - affection and attraction, although the nature of the affection and attraction is different.
Of these three relationships, the Scriptures only speak of romantic attraction and desire being expressed in marriage. Song of Songs gives a beautiful picture of the feelings and expression of romantic desire and attraction.
Song of Songs 4:10-11 says "How delightful is your love my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice." Only in marriage may a man and woman enjoy expressing their romantic and sexual desires toward each other.
